This page is old and doesn't get updated much anymore. If you want to see where my creative efforts on the web go these days, visit http://www.mildlyamusing.com.
If you like my jokes, great. If you don't like my jokes, allow me to paraphrase David Letterman:
"Let me ask you folks something. How much did you pay to read this web page?"
17th--Dennis Rodman has challenged NBA commissioner David Stern to a fight. I don't really think that would be a fair fight. I mean, Stern is something like five-foot-ten, while Rodman, on the other hand, is insane.
14th--"Scream 3" sounds like what you do when you're watching "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" and the idiot in the contestant's chair doesn't know the answer to "What's one plus two?"
13th--Film critic Rex Reed was arrested yesterday for shoplifting. Reed called his arrest predictable and uninspired.
12th--Yesterday's initial public offering of pets.com left investors disappointed as shares of the company started out at eleven dollars and ended the day at the same price. Bad stock! Bad stock! Bad!
11th--Today the space shuttle Endeavour blasted off from Cape Canaveral, Florida. The shuttle was cleared for launch after the pilot correctly answered the final question on ABC's new game show, "Who Wants to Be an Astronaut?"
10th--Over the last three days, many of the most popular sites on the web have been shut down by attacks. Oddly enough, the page you're reading now has not yet been targeted.
9th--In Northern California, a sixth grader and his mother have sued the child's school because the boy's Pokémon cards were confiscated and never returned. The boy and his mother are suing for five thousand dollars, which they say is the value of the cards. Personally, I think they're worthless. And so are their cards.
8th--Prince William, the son of Prince Charles, wants to have his upcoming 18th birthday party in a London nightclub, a plan that is not popular with his father. Prince Charles was so upset when his son told him his wishes, he put his fingers in his ears. All of his fingers.
7th--More than half a million people pay thirty dollars a month for pay-per-view wrestling. Everybody else has an illegal hookup.
6th--Over half a million people pay thirty dollars a month to watch pay-per-view wrestling. And that's just the wrestlers' mothers.
5th--I think there's more variety on television now than there's been in the past. I mean, last season all you could find on TV was garbage. But this season, there's trash, junk, and garbage.
4th--Well, Dennis Rodman is returning to the NBA. He is expected to join the Dallas Mavericks next week. The Mavericks signed Rodman after not paying attention for the last ten years.
3rd--Yesterday was Groundhog Day. Just like every year, world- famous groundhog Punxsutawney Phil came out of his hole and saw a movie.
2nd--Speaking at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland last weekend, President Clinton said that open markets create jobs. Yeah, and Clinton will be looking for one of those jobs about a year from now.
1st--During a pancake-flipping contest in New Hampshire on Monday, Republican presidential candidate Gary Bauer fell off the stage. Hey, it worked for Bob Dole.
Bauer's campaign manager said that the fall was just part of a new strategy to go after the pity vote.
31st--Protesters at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland vandalized a McDonald's on Saturday. The protesters were peaceful when they first entered the restaurant, but their demeanor changed after they were mistakenly served Unhappy Meals.
30th--A fierce ice storm has hit the city of Atlanta, Georgia on the eve of Super Bowl XXXIV there. Well, I always said the Rams would make it back to the Super Bowl when hell froze over.