Jarrod's Guide to Surviving Y2K

Every day in 1999, you will be able to open up a newspaper or turn on the TV and find out about the Y2K problem and how it could affect you. Some of these articles and news reports will offer suggestions on what you can do to prepare yourself for the possible effects of Y2K. But if the ones I've already read and watched are any indication, these suggestions aren't going to do squat for you when the big hand strikes 2000. In light of this, as a public service, I now present my Guide to Surviving Y2K. Please follow each step exactly and you will be well-prepared for the millennium bug.

STEP ONE: Do nothing.

That's it! And you thought it would be difficult.

That's right. You're already prepared for Y2K. Don't do anything. Just continue a regular pattern of inhaling, followed by exhaling, and you will survive.

You don't believe me? Well, you should. As a matter of fact, I will now list my predictions for January 2000. This time next year, I'll update this page and show that all of my predictions came true:

On January 1, 2000,

1. You will not die in an airline crash.

2. Your bank account will not disappear.

3. You will be able to get money out of an ATM.

4. You will be able to successfully maneuver an elevator to any floor you wish.

5. Your car will start.

6. You will be able to buy gasoline.

7. You will be able to buy canned food.

8. You will be able to buy ammunition for your shotgun.

9. You will be able to re-apply for unemployment benefits (COBOL programmers only).

See you next year.

UPDATE: February 6, 2000--I was right.

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