"We are proud to say that all Americans will be able to continue to enjoy our Cheetos products without interruption in the new millennium," said Frito-Lay President Dale Belfour at the crowded press conference. "At one point, our researchers were concerned when they noticed a possible correlation between Cheeto consumption and the so-called 'oranging effect,' wherein the consumer's fingers turn a bright orange color. But we now believe that, after January 1st, this problem will be easily handled by the currently popular methods of licking one's fingers or wiping one's fingers on one's pants."
Belfour went on to reassure the standing-room-only crowd that in the year 2000, people will still be unable to eat just one Lays.
On another note, Belfour dispelled rumors that the company's Cheetos announcement was a ploy meant to deflect attention from a widely-reported glitch in Frito-Lay's production process that, come January 1, 2000, could render Funyuns no longer fun.
"Our Funyun Y2K action plan is right on track. On this, the American snack food-purchasing public can rely," said Belfour.
At press time, it was not yet known if Ruffles will still have ridges.